How to Watch the RNC

A Public Service Announcement

The Republican National Convention (RNC) kicks off today in Milwaukee. It will run through Thursday. I have never attended the RNC, although I have attended several Democratic ones. I can tell you that while people are mostly interested in the evening speeches, there’s a lot more to a convention than that.

There are (at both conventions) private breakfasts and lunches. The food is almost always excellent (paid for by lobbyists and they do food right) and they’re small, so you run into elected officials and other people you may only know in the abstract, and you have an opportunity to speak with them. The featured speakers are normally very interesting. They say things you won’t hear at the conventions, nor read anywhere. None of that is ever streamed nor televised.  

The goal of a convention is to nominate a candidate and his/her running mate. There’s no question about who the Rethuglicans will nominate, and the Convicted Felon will announce his running mate (and potential cell mate) and you’ll find out because it will be everywhere.

But let’s say you want to watch.

First, gather your supplies. You will need:

• Alcohol

• Popcorn

• A pad of paper and an ink pen

• Antacids

• A 20”x20” pillow

Next, where to watch? There will be an hour or two each evening on most major networks, much more on the crazy networks. Plus, it will be live-streamed.

How to watch:

First and foremost, make sure your sound is turned off. There is nothing you want to hear. Honest. It would only hurt you.

Then, settle in, have a drink, and see who shows up. Throw popcorn at the screen whenever you see someone you dislike. (This is recommended only for those with dogs, as they’ll be on clean-up duty).

Play the GOP game – make a tick mark on your paper every time you see a person who is NOT white.

Take an antacid.

Hit yourself in the head with your pillow for wasting your time on the morons.

You’re now all set for the RNC.