Friday Potpourri: 7 February 2025

The Penis and Penis-Adjacent Post

Photo above is a meme, no actual carving has begun. But at least they have a model, admittedly oversized. Don’t worry, I covered why he’ll never get on Mt. Rushmore in last Friday’s Potpourri.

Normally, I don’t spend any time thinking about penises. But hey, new fascist regime, new things to think about. Let’s get started.

There is a guy named Trygve Hammer. He lives in North Dakota, is a veteran, a teacher, and he ran for Congress as a Democrat last year. More importantly, he has an ability to write snark and sarcasm at levels so high, I cannot even aspire to being anywhere near his level of excellence.

He got me thinking about penises in this post. The post is mostly about the anti-trans legislation proposed in North Dakota, which is serious, and important. He also included a brilliant takedown of Tommy “Coach” Tuberville (AL - idiot) and this passage:

It is uncomfortable to sit near these legislators at girls’ basketball games, because you just know they are wondering if there are any penises hidden under those baggy shorts. Hidden penises are the thing they worry about the most and the thing around which they have built their chivalrous “protect the girls” talking points. When a girl(?) drives the lane, scores, and draws a foul, it makes a legislator wonder, especially if that supposedly female athlete has short hair and does not play for the legislator’s preferred team. You just never know these days. There are so many boys who want to hide their penises and be superstar girls’ basketball players or even homecoming queens. This is a major problem everywhere.

And then there’s Mississippi. Both my uncle and my husband wanted to be sure that the “Conception Begins at Erection” bill got some play. It’s pretty short:

MISSISSIPPI LEGISLATURE
2025 Regular Session
To: Judiciary, Division B
By: Senator(s) Blackmon

Senate Bill 2319

AN ACT TO ENACT THE CONTRACEPTION BEGINS AT ERECTION ACT; TO DEFINE TERMS; TO PROVIDE THAT IT SHALL BE UNLAWFUL FOR A PERSON TO DISCHARGE GENETIC MATERIAL WITHOUT THE INTENT TO FERTILIZE AN EMBRYO; TO PROVIDE FOR CRIMINAL PENALTIES; TO PROVIDE CERTAIN EXCEPTIONS; AND FOR RELATED PURPOSES.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI:

SECTION 1. (1) This section shall be known and may be cited as the "Contraception Begins at Erection Act."

(2) It shall be unlawful for a person to discharge genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo.

(3) Upon conviction of a violation of this section, a person shall be fined:

(a) One Thousand Dollars ($1000.00) for a first offense;
(b) Five Thousand Dollars ($5000.00) for a second offense; and
(c) Ten Thousand Dollars (10,000.00) for a third or subsequent offense.
(4) This section shall not apply to the discharge of genetic material:

(a) Donated or sold to a facility for the purpose of future procedures to fertilize an embryo; and
(b) Discharged with the use of a contraceptive or contraceptive method intended to prevent fertilization of an embryo.

SECTION 2. This act shall take effect and be in force from and after July 1, 2025.

And you’d think it was funny, except that the sponsor, Senator Bradford Blackmon, is no joke. He put forth this bill to stand in opposition to all of the Mississippi laws and bills that target women, as if men have no part in the process of conception.

In my reading of the bill, it seems to indicate a discharge of genetic material in the privacy of one’s home, alone. Or, if you are the late Pee Wee Herman, a more public place. So if you want to turn in an offender, do you need video? A still camera shot? A sheet or towel for DNA? Or will the cops take your word for it? Just curious.

Something serious:

Senator Blackmon currently has a bill in committee that would append the Mississippi laws related to sexual offenders so that a conviction for incest would make someone a sex offender. Currently, incest is NOT a sex offense in Mississippi. Yeah, I know, unbelievable and completely believable at the same time.

And now for the “penis-adjacent” story. It’s about condoms, or as they used to call them, “rubbers”.

Raise your hand if you know who Karoline Leavitt is. If you don’t, she’s the kid who is serving as the White House Press Secretary. To say that she lies is like saying all of us breathe air on a constant basis.

She claimed, wrongly, that:

DOGE and OMB also found that there was about to be 50 million taxpayer dollars that went out the door to fund condoms in Gaza.

Not only is this false, and WaPo has all the proof, but it’s actually insane if you can do basic math, which no one in the fascist regime can.

First, the total WORLDWIDE dollars spend on rubbers is $17 million. That’s through PEPFAR, a George W. Bush program to counteract HIV and AIDS worldwide. It falls under USAID, so there’s no money right now, but there was when Karoline lied on air.

Historically, PEPFAR paid 3.3 cents per rubber. As an old married lady, I had no idea what the current retail cost was, but a quick check of my local Wegmans website indicated that they cost most consumers between 70 cents and a dollar each. So, PEPFAR is getting a great deal, but still a buck to prevent AIDS? That’s a real win, too.

Per WaPo (cited above) that’s 1.5 billion rubbers. Worldwide. But let’s pretend that they all go to Gaza (which they don’t, but is what Karoline said was happening).

Let’s do a little math.

Wikipedia has the following demographic information, which is high, because it predates 7 October 2023. But it’s okay for some gross generalizations.

0–14 years: 44.1% (male 415,746/female 394,195)
15–24 years: 21.3% (male 197,797/female 194,112)
25–54 years: 28.5% (male 256,103/female 267,285)
55–64 years: 3.5% (male 33,413/female 30,592)
65 years and over: 2.6% (male 24,863/female 22,607) (2018 est.)

I’m going to assume that boys aged 14 and under are not having sex. So, I added up all the other men, and got a total rubber-ready population of 512,176. That comes to 2,928 rubbers for each of the rubber-ready male population. That would mean using an average of 8 a day. And it would be MORE if we calculated for a population that has decreased due to deaths since the Hamas attack.

If memory serves (and I’m not sure it does) a 16-year-old boy could be good for 8 rubbers a day. But a guy pushing 40? I’m thinking unlikely. Then again, other people’s sex lives are none of my business, I’m just really interested in the math. And for some reason, I’m betting that living in a war zone, with no infrastructure, mostly tents and cars instead of houses and apartments, a lack of medical facilities, not to mention food and water — I assume most rubber-ready guys are not spending all that much time thinking about options for using 8 rubbers a day. I could be wrong. Use the comments. I’m willing to be wrong.

Back on Sunday. Enjoy your Saturday! Do something nice for yourself.